(via singwithoutareason)
jumble.
i crave it like a pregnant woman who whines and moans at her ailing husband who just gives and gives until he can give no more. and for her it still is not enough. until her soul aches and heart cracks and out of nowhere she has tears and she gets an excuse - a pass and go - to cry and be emotional..because she - she is feeling for two.
but i…i am not with child. i am a child and i still cave each day and i look at him and her and them and those and wonder how the human heart is so.effed.up. and WHY do i still cry and can i share these thoughts and be brutal and be honest and come clean? life use to intoxicate me, it use to bring me to my knees. today i’m brought to my knees by legal drugs and an inhale so deep that i cough up the life i use to live. and now i am stripped.
now it is only this:
i am His. i am His and only His.
if i can know only one thing. one piece. one truth.
it is this. and it is enough.
On the streets of New York. (via From New York.. | International Street Style)
—
i miss my cat.
and when cell phones did not exist.
thursday thoughts.
ENABLER (probs should just say my name here)
: one that enables another to achieve an end; especially :one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior
and no matter how many kelly clarkson, i’m better without you and i deserve more, songs i listen to - it doesn’t make it any easier. Jesus though - now that’s a man Who changes things.
learning about redemption tonight. about a God Who is making allllll things new.
mm. mm. what a beautiful thang.
let’s move to the mountains.
fossil.
home.
there are some places,
some people,
who make bad things, seem like okay things.
thanking God today that i live less than an hour from a home that represents Heaven to me more than any other place on this earth. a temporary escape when life’s weight becomes too heavy.
best friends. open air. unconditional love. and my favorite kitty.
tumblr folk: meet nelson.
lovin’ life at home with him these past couple of days.
sometimes a girl just needs her kitty bff.
mumford quote. barn wood headboard.
simple and fresh. so lovely.
(Source: whiskeysoaked, via designed-for-life)
the healing journey - this God
This God - This God Who is bigger than my small mind can gather up images to create – He is replenishing me, in ways that I have never known. And I’m wondering, if for the first time in my life, I’m really learning what it means to trust.
I have struggled with this post for weeks. Months, even. And over these days I have fallen more in love with my God than i ever knew possible. I have felt the Lord wrap His gentle hands around my heart, meet my eyes with His and say, “Daughter – this time do not look away. And this time – you will be free.”
I’ve been having conversations lately, each enfolded in God’s beautiful mercy. And I see changes in myself and those around me as they fixate their eyes on Him. Every second I begin to see more in people the Human-God Who took our sins away on Calvary. I breathe now…I smile.
I remember a time when one foot didn’t go in front of the other and darkness was the light that kept me going. I remember knees on floors and hands ripping out hair screaming that this was it. I vomited lies daily that told me I was not good enough and I never would be. And for the past 9 months of my life, I have carried these visions with me like they were my oxygen tank – letting go would infuse relying on Something else. And I listen to this voice of Truth who tells me to let go and cast my cares on Him (Psalm 55:22) and promises that He makes all things new (2 Corinthians 5:17) and I trust. I lean in. And the King of all Kings wraps his strong arms around my delicate soul and I am reminded that I should have been on that cross – but He took my place. And in Him, through Him, with Him, BECAUSE of Him, I am spotless.
And this beautiful Lord can change my hate into forgiveness and forgiveness into love by planting visions of His perfect Son dying a death He didn’t deserve. People mocked Him and spat on Him and Jesus prayed for the Lord to forgive them. That’s a heart I want to know – a heart I want to be more like.
So this God causes me to look out picture windows and not see grass and trees and flowers and sunshine, but gifts upon gifts that I cannot say no to. He pursues me and pulls me in with each and every breath I breathe. My heart is so full and my God is so near. A living God who never leaves. And I thank this God Who I did not have to find because He was never lost. He has been chasing me since day one. I ran and hid for twenty years and one day – He found me. Hidden beneath boulders of lies and neglect and insecurities I could not count. He lifted those boulders, picked me up, brushed me off, and promised that from that day forward everything would be different.
The rest is history…
